Perspective and Other Mythical Constructs.

Not Emotional

Not Emotional
Photo by Michael Dziedzic / Unsplash

I am not prone to emotional displays.

Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you I'm a fairly level-headed dude. I tend toward the calm and laconic. So much so that I often make it a point to consciously turn up the emotional engagement dial when I go for job interviews or otherwise need to make a good impression. Having a flat affect can give others the impression that I am disengaged or don't care about what they have to say, so I make a concerted effort to play it up from my baseline when I know the occasion calls for it.

There have been times in my life where this has worked against me, mostly in the romantic realm. Women want passion, not cool detachment. It has also served me well. I rarely feel anger or anything beyond mild annoyance, and even that I generally keep to myself. Like most personality traits, it's a double-edged sword.

Of course, I feel. I feel deeply. I just don't feel alot, and I tend not to emote in most situations. I could count the number of times I have cried as an adult on one hand, maybe two. I laugh often, but even my laughter is subcutanean. I rumble, but very little sound comes out unless I intentionally make noise. Maybe that's the best way to describe it: I tend not to make noise. Noise in every sense of the word: the noise of boisterous sound, the noise of being in the spotlight and drawing attention. Both repel me. I will use it as a tool when it serves me, but it doesn't come natural and it always feels a bit inauthentic.

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Jamie Larson